submissive Lady Life

What’s in a name?

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Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on


“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other word would smell as sweet.”  Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

When My Sir and I began our research journey into D/s (really it was me doing the research, because I am such a nerd I have to know everything about a subject before I feel like I can begin anything), one of the first things we tried to decide is: What type of D/s couple are we? Daddy/little, Master/slave, Owner/pet, etc. Wow…trying to decide what type of sub I am was a bit like trying to catch a greased pig! I would read a description of a submissive type and would think, “that sounds like me” or “that’s not me at all!” So, once I chucked out all the types I am not, what I was left with was a mash-up of different submissive types. That didn’t work out, so I thought it might be easier to figure out My Sir’s Dom type…Nope, not even a little bit. Chucking the categorization idea to the side, we moved on to how My Sir wanted me to be for him and what I was willing to do/try. We set our boundaries, our safeword, rolled up our sleeves, and got to work…YES!!! The name/title/category thing was still bugging me. I’m a bit OCD (or as My Sir likes to call me CDO, because it is in alphabetical order) and I felt a bit incomplete without knowing where I fit in. One day while perusing Pinterest, I found two memes that really seemed to  encapsulate our D/s relationship. One showed a man bending over to fix his lady’s shoe strap and it says, “Some may look at this and see the man in a submissive or subservient role. Remember that being a Dominant means taking care of you submissive in every way, when little ways like fixing the strap of her shoe. To paraphrase a famous quote: ‘You are never so Dominant as when you stoop to care for your submissive.'” The other showed two pictures, one was a man opening the car door for his lady and the other was him pulling her hair and it says, “Gentlemen do this, and this” and I had found our category…or more accurately, made it up! My Sir is a Gentleman Dom and I am his submissive Lady. When I approached My Sir with our ‘category’, he agreed. This was a monumental moment for me!!! I had figured out that D/s is what you and your partner make it. Now, most of you are saying in your minds, “Duh!!!”, but I am such a by-the-book/follow the rules kind of person, that my mind had to wrap around this. Much to My Sir’s relief, from that moment on, I was much more laid back in my quest for D/s knowledge and could put my focus on him and what he wants instead of ‘doing it right’. The main thing I learned from our ‘naming’ experience, is that if I’m doing what My Sir wants, and I am enjoying doing what he wants, then it is right! Basically, there is no one right/wrong way in D/s–there is our way (and your way, for you)!