What’s in a name?

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Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on Pexels.com 

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other word would smell as sweet.”  Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

When My Sir and I began our research journey into D/s (really it was me doing the research, because I am such a nerd I have to know everything about a subject before I feel like I can begin anything), one of the first things we tried to decide is: What type of D/s couple are we? Daddy/little, Master/slave, Owner/pet, etc. Wow…trying to decide what type of sub I am was a bit like trying to catch a greased pig! I would read a description of a submissive type and would think, “that sounds like me” or “that’s not me at all!” So, once I chucked out all the types I am not, what I was left with was a mash-up of different submissive types. That didn’t work out, so I thought it might be easier to figure out My Sir’s Dom type…Nope, not even a little bit. Chucking the categorization idea to the side, we moved on to how My Sir wanted me to be for him and what I was willing to do/try. We set our boundaries, our safeword, rolled up our sleeves, and got to work…YES!!! The name/title/category thing was still bugging me. I’m a bit OCD (or as My Sir likes to call me CDO, because it is in alphabetical order) and I felt a bit incomplete without knowing where I fit in. One day while perusing Pinterest, I found two memes that really seemed to  encapsulate our D/s relationship. One showed a man bending over to fix his lady’s shoe strap and it says, “Some may look at this and see the man in a submissive or subservient role. Remember that being a Dominant means taking care of you submissive in every way, when little ways like fixing the strap of her shoe. To paraphrase a famous quote: ‘You are never so Dominant as when you stoop to care for your submissive.’” The other showed two pictures, one was a man opening the car door for his lady and the other was him pulling her hair and it says, “Gentlemen do this, and this” and I had found our category…or more accurately, made it up! My Sir is a Gentleman Dom and I am his submissive Lady. When I approached My Sir with our ‘category’, he agreed. This was a monumental moment for me!!! I had figured out that D/s is what you and your partner make it. Now, most of you are saying in your minds, “Duh!!!”, but I am such a by-the-book/follow the rules kind of person, that my mind had to wrap around this. Much to My Sir’s relief, from that moment on, I was much more laid back in my quest for D/s knowledge and could put my focus on him and what he wants instead of ‘doing it right’. The main thing I learned from our ‘naming’ experience, is that if I’m doing what My Sir wants, and I am enjoying doing what he wants, then it is right! Basically, there is no one right/wrong way in D/s–there is our way (and your way, for you)!


  1. I am glad that you are feeling more relaxed about the labels. I was the same and was really pleased when I realised I was submissive, only to get bogged down in some of the definitions. In the end I decided I was just me. As long as I am the right type of submissive for HL that is all that matters. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am so glad so many people write about their experiences on here. When I first found D/s I was so lost and wanted to do everything right but ended up. It being fun, relaxing, or any type of interesting because I never fit into any kind of box either.
    Thank you for sharing for those of us that have found our own way and those who are still looking for their way. It helps us not feel so alone. My close friends and family are not a source to bounce information or ideas around with so everything has been just Sir and me.


  3. I agree. I think many D/s couples are like that, with lots of compassion and love shared between them. It is commonly left out of descriptions online, including terms and labels.
    I have found a few blog posts that acknowledge the distance between what is said online and the reality of the D/s life. Sometimes what comes out online is more fantasy then reality. It can leave those if us who are new feeling left out.


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